Ashes to ashes, Dust to dust the pain we feel follows all of us. Some pain moves on, Some pain Stay put. Some people get help, As some others get hurt. Some live long, some live short. All and all we all just hurt. some find their loves. others their mates. Some live happy, some tempt fate. At the end of the day, was it all for not? The end is the end by your hand’s or fates. So did we live to the end with anger, with hate. Or with hope and with love. There are no winners. There is no escape, You find out now you wish to escape. Hide if you will. In a house or a cave. The reaper will come and that is your fate. Death will smiles, Return it you should, Return it with glee for he smile for thee. He’s a friend in the end. To the rich or the poor. The sick, the infirmed. The saddest of all is that you wish you knew when. For if you did. Then the kisses would be deeper. the Hugs would be longer. The love would be deeper and the song would be longer. But alas we don’t, In the end all we cry. In the end we will lament. That the only friend left is the friend we want least. He’s still a friend as your time draws near. Cry loud, cry hard for you’re to blame, not death at all. He is doing his job. But you had not. your job was to live, and you had not. You see we all have one job. that’s all we got. Live life to the fullest but most do not. Remember the and remember this well. We know death must call. Ready or not, he will come to call, he will but point. so ask your self this. Did you do your job right. Did you live to the fullest did you live it right????
Hurry up before you go and get old
Hurry up before your blood runs cold
None of us were ever meant to stay
We’re all gonna find out one day
You see life’s too short to run it like a race
So it’s never gonna matter if you win first place
‘Cause we’re all the same
When you live your life for years with horrors form the past you start to grow cold. When you join the military you are trained to end peoples lives. You start to see targets not people. You lose the humanity ( some do I’m one of them). You start longing for the grave. The silence, the end of the pain. The release of memories because you make life a special kind of hell for you and people you touch. Cops, Snipers, specially trained operators, and the ass in the grass Grunts. All are damaged to a point. They look at life differently because some start to have a hard time connecting to the living because they see so much bad. The horrors of the underside of life. It changes all of them. Some never show it. But its there the shine of there eyes are dulled and they may seam happy but if you look closely at their eyes they’re haunted. The first time your in a fire fight you just react no time to be scared just fire back and HOLD your ground till you can’t. Even then some wont leave they will stay so others can get out of the area. If your one that gets out you take a head count and find out your one or two short. You die a little inside. You where just laughing with them 15 mins ago. Eating chow with them. Hearing their memories of that special some one they where retelling for the 30th time. Them missing moms biscuits. You remember their dreams for post combat. How they have plan and dreams and families. After awhile some remember that the people they terminated also had families. And that YOU took them from their families. You played god you ended their time here. You had them throw off there mortal coils. You now have that albatross around your neck. You start to worry if your to damaged to be good for any one. If they can take the nights you cant sleep. The nights you ghost the house. The times you get lost with a smell, a sound, a memory triggered by something unassuming. All this goes through your head. You worry that if you love them can they love you. With all the repressed memories just waiting to show back up at the wrong times. So you start to push them away you subconsciously or maybe consciously push them away. You want them to stay but you just think your just to damaged. I’m there now. Do I let people in or keep them out. I know the truth I should just let them decide. Ya that is one thing I need to learn. A friend of mine gave me a piece of advice. I asked them a question and they replied. See that’s called my shit and you don’t need to be in my shit. I wont get in to yours, you stay out of mine. I’m learning that.
Sometimes it’s not something that you can control, or put your finger on why you do it. Sometimes it just is what it is. In poker your always told to trust your gut. Its that scratch in the back of your head, a feeling that something is wrong. To be able to let someone in to your life. You need to trust your gut. To trust and allow your self the time to heal you. No one can make someone else happy. You need to allow your self the time to fix and love your self. If not then no one or nothing will make you truly happy. Being happy with one’s self is the only way to be free enough to be happy with some one else.