LIFE TO BE CONTINUED
“Taking You Own Life. Interesting Expression — Taking It From Who? Once It’s Over, It’s Not You Who’ll Miss It. Your Own Death Is Something That Happens To Everybody Else. Your Life Is Not Your Own. Keep Your Hands Off It.”
- “Oh he’ll be different with me”.
- “She would be different you will see”.
- “Others they don’t see what I see”.
- any of this ringing a Fucking bell for you???
- ” I have never loved any one like I love them before.”
- Pssst you said that to the last one
- also you can’t love different people the same way, because their DIFFERENT PEOPLE
- ” They have changed from when we first met.”
- Ya think, they’re older, their diction has changed that’s is about all.
- The rain fell, the torrents raged, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because its foundation was on the rock. Matthew 7:26.
- But everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. Matthew 16:18
No more, no more
No more, no more
Me and my life a screamer bound to a wife in marriage
Baby I’m a dreamer
Found my horse and carriage
Ladies hold the aces while my lovers call it passion
The men call it pleasure but to me it’s old fashioned
Times they’re a-changin’ nothing ever stands still
If I don’t stop changin’ I’ll be writin’ my will
It’s the same old story never get a second chance
For a dance to the top of the hill
No more No more – Aerosmith album toys in the attic 1975
You’re that guy huh… you’re a hardcore lover and friend. You would go to the ends of the earth for someone if it meant showing them how much you care. But are you really? I mean you say it but do you show it? You aren’t the type to spend your entire life showing others just how much you care about them. Because your broken!!!! You’re use to getting dropped off to other people like trash at the dump. Then when they would come see you like your a display at a zoo. Then on sundays they leave. If your my mom you waits till i’m busy, then sneaks away so she wont have to deal with the emotions.
You’ll fight tooth and nail for every relationship you have. In hopes that it will replace the feeling you had when you where 6 years old as your mom drives away with out a word. Now if you have to compromise you are just can’t do it. You want others to know that you would die for a friend but you won’t live for them (metaphorically).
YOU know that friendships and relationships take effort, but if all you’re living for is thier validation and love. Then it isn’t worth it? Many people mistake your devotion to infatuation or obsession, but all you want just once is to know that you do, in fact, believe it or not have limits to your love.
HOW DARE SHE DO THIS. How dare she do what? trigger an explosion that was going to happen. Humans need to put a face a name on things and actions.
Then you get the question. What hurts? Is it your back? your leg? a migraine? what hurts? And the answer is I do my mind hurts. Its hurt for a long time. I have a friend that calls me uncle Frank ( Frank Castle AKA the Punisher) My First wife called me House from the TV show. My Son called me Dragon. A third Watched NCIS and looked at me and said ya Leroy Jethro Gibbs fits you. She said I lived on lack of sleep, caffeine, Anger. She was right. So for 45 years I have suffered the slings and arrow. The comments, the memories and the deaths all the people that die and I don’t know how to morn. Every thing dies flowers, pets, people, relationships. The list is long and it all hurts. But when your are so use to eating it and living off the pain you for get the little things. The wonder in a childes eyes. The touch of a hand on the side of your face, that takes all the pain away for a short time. The feeling of a Hug. The morning kiss. You miss the sparkle in the person that loves you. Till its no longer there and you go through the motions of a relationship. You do things to hurt people to keep them a way. In an argument you hit ones to back them off after that any shit they ever did is open to use. Yes I fight dirty. I survive. There in lies the issue. I have lived to long, I have out lived my capacity to take any more. so now I’m on a wait list for mental help, insurance I have none it was $22 bucks for insurance a week or $22 bucks for food. Food won. So here I sit. I take the dog for a walk when its not 3 degrees. I have no coats that fit I put on 30 pounds from the not giving a fuck that has taken over. I have Heidi (my dog) she tries to get me out of the hole but she can only do so much. This week another week of waiting. So I sit in this pain. I can feel it flow out of my hands like Icker, (an oozing darkness you don’t want to touch people because you may infect them.) I have broken hearts and hurt people verbally on purpose. Just so they would leave so I could not infect them. So I hurt today, the pain meds work for a short time. The medical marijuana helps but its a band aid on a chest wound. I have more pain ahead. when I’m off the waiting list and I start to dig out this closet full of bullshit I have stored. So today is just one more day of pain. Yes pain ends it may hurt for an Hour, a Day, A year. but When your in the middle of the pain to you it will never end. So one more day of pain. Looking at things that needing done and saying fuck that. I do what I have to for my Treatment but that’s all I got energy for. Well Feeding Heidi I have time for that. So is the light at the end of the cave. Is it a train, Death, or Sun light. I have no fucking idea I just know at this moment I hurt…