The first 50 years

Im not the Hero

Its funny I have lived 25 years longer than I thought I would. I’m a Teen of the 80’s to much coke, pot and Gallons of alcohol. I have driven when I was far to drunk to drive. Played football with the worst hangover ever. In the core I did things that have left many marks. As the first 50 years draws to a close I see the mistakes I have made. The list is long and very

and prestigious.

July 1st I move in to an apartment that is mine. I set back and for the first time I have stopped and looked around and this is what I have seen.
In August a young lady I call sugar britches is getting married. She has had a faults start before but this time its real. Its strong. I hope to get the time off to see the wedding. Her mother is very proud of her and happy.
I have a son. He has 2 great kids and has taken the weight of the world on his shoulders. He is married with 2 kids and has his sick mother living with him. With style and grace he walks 2 miles to and from work. He makes me proud.
In October I’m going to West Virginia to hang out with Sammy, so His mom and dad can get time away. I swore I would never go. “Never say never again.” sounds like a James Bond title. But I have the time off request in and we will see how it goes.
I sit with my brother around the grill eating, drinking and smoking cigars. For the first time in many years his eyes are not haunted there is an ease to his gate and a real laugh escapes every now and then. I just hope one day I can help him as much as he has helped me.
Do I have regrets yes. BUT. Some times in life the saddest truth is that the people we love we cant be with because its not good for us. We will call her she knows who she is. I saved her from a bad relationship, helped her get a new job and helped to start getting her house fixed up. I miss her every day but she is my 2nd drug of choice. My love for Opium is stronger. She even said it on more than one occasion , ” you think more of your damn Meds than you do me.” I freed her so she can now be with a man that loves her and she loves him so I did good.
I know I have helped people. Some times to the detriment of my self. As for the woman i love ” I was not the hero you wanted I was the Dragon you needed.” So I set back and see all the lives I have touched for good and ill. I hope that I have a balanced sheet if not then I will try to make amends. I’m not in a rush to go home any more I’m learning that sometimes, most times, ok all the time it comes when it is to come not a moment before.
Karma will pay some people back for things they have done. I think I have settled up with Mistress Karma. Others, …. well the bill always comes due. I know I will be there when it does to give a hand up. Just this time the words, “I told you so.” wont be on my lips or in my heart..

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