WORTHY

thors hammer
wor·thy
ˈwərT͟Hē/
adjective
1. deserving effort, attention, or respect.
“generous donations to worthy causes”
I have heard this many time over the past few months.  You need to feel worthy…  They need to be worthy for a 2nd chance…  You need to know you’re worthy.   The definition of the word is above.  As many know my former is now a friends  and there are many adjustments that need to happen.  I hate change, shocking I know.  It is what it is.  We are special to each other we saved each other.  Then we hurt each other.  We forgot each other.  The word complacent could be used.  From both sides the lines have been drawn but except for her and I no one will ever truly understand what happened.  I love her she loves me.  That love has changed and evolved into something new and over time it will again.  It’s  how it works.  She is getting marred part of me is happy that I saved her so she can find happiness.  There is a part of me that says it should be me.  There is also a part of me that says it was not the right time.  As I sit here at type this out I know I will never fully figure out at which point it went from the love of the ages to you get the dogs.  I want my clothes,  we can talk once a month.  She was worthy of my love and understand.  I was worthy of heart.  Worthy and love both evolve and sometimes they fade and vanish altogether.  I’m no longer worthy of her heart.  She says she trust me with her life just not her heart.  She is worthy of being happy and having a place in my heart.  I will never feel worthy in my eyes, that is for others to deem unto me.  Not something I can grant my self.  I may think I’m worthy of a job but its the person that will hire me to think it not me.  Its my former to say if I’m worthy of a 2nd chance.  Yes, yes I know and on the flip side I have to deem she is also worthy.  That’s kinda my point its not something you can feel its something someone feels about you.  At the end of the day you can feel worthy of anything, the issues is are you in their eyes.  What does it take to be worthy to them?  Is it a car, a new job, or is it a different disposition.  We worked hard to air out the issues and in the end I think it helped.  Ok it helped me.  As for her I think it did,  she has a different view of a few things.  She felt I was worthy to save her.  And I was.  She was worthy to save me in my eyes.  Does not mean I feel worthy.

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