So this is Christmas…..

 

sad

SO THIS is Christmas. . and another year over, but we still have fear… I sit alone and I’m trapped in my head. I’m alone because myself and some one never talked. My anger and well my pushing them away as to not get taken by my metal illness. I feel its like a cold and you can spread it, I know its not that way. I’m not typhoid Mary but that’s how it feels. They have that stunning smile and a glow about them, in some ways I’m glad. Other ways I only wish I could see that look one last time over me. So I start to mold new armor from the scraps of old. A new defense if you will. I read a picture post about some one that tried to commit suicide and found he wanted to kill what happen not him self. I understand that. Everyday I want to get a do over but that’s not this life. We don’t always get over things. Not everything happens for a reason to make is stronger. In those cases we have to carry them, not get over them. To the young lady with the dog.  Don’t take it back others have given up on it don’t add to it’s pain she can help you heal. I hurt, I get up I try, I fail but some times I win. We fall down to learn to get back up. Fall 5 times get up 6. Don’t give the illness the satisfaction of winning. I got this. We got this. So yes this is Christmas, Yule, Hanukkah, add Yours in here (____). Give your self a gift and for one day let it go. If not a Day then 8 hours, if not then 3 hour, or 1 hour or hell 5 mins. and build from there. You got this.

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