I am the worst person ever. I have feelings, emotions, view points and Anger. Yes anger is technical an emotion but someone with PTSD is so much more. I am told often I hold people to standards that are unattainable. It’s just not ex girls friends or people I have wronged. It’s people who care about me and care how I grow and live. The blogs and emails I write make people sick. When people tell me things I take it as a definite not an if time allows. I guess this is from the way I grew up and all the times I was told we could and never did. As I got older I started to expects more from people never taking into account their life, their feeling, their time, In that case I’m as self-absorbed as I say some of my friends are. I write, post and I understand that it’s my blog. My own window to tell the world what is inside my head. At some point I need to understand IF I want to get back what happiness I had I have to be a different person. If that is the case it wont be what I had it’s what I will get.
” I wanna to go back, and do it all over again, but I can’t go back I know” Eddy money “go back”
I want to go back to Dec 2010. I want to go back to a day I saw my dream waft down an escalator at Macy’s. I want to repair the cracks that happened. But I know I can’t that heart is a dust that cant be rehydrated. A new one is there it’s small but it’s there. Why did I not hold my self to this standard. The standard I find I hold others to. because I’m that person. The person that hold others to standards God/dess cant attain. But I’m learning. Is that not what any person can do. I need to hold my self to a standard.