WHY AM I SO STUPID

WHY

WHY AM I SO STUPID.  I hurt so I attack I say things to make people hurt because they hurt me.  My best friend was at one time my girlfriend.  Now she seems to be the person I hurt the most I blow up for no reason and we fight because well we argue.  NO ITS NOT COOL. Yes I do hate my self.  so please no indigent comments below I will just delete them. I know I’m an ass. I know I hurt, I know I’m alone, I know it took two to get here. Something makes me attack.  Today was the dumbest of all.  I said something that as I did the replay in my head I was wrong.  Now the words are out there. The toothpaste never to go back into the tube.  So I start again and try to honor this woman who has a strong heart and soul.  One day I hope and strive to be the Dragon she once loved and protected. Now I’m the Dragon that haunts nightmares and lives in shadows.  I long to be in the sunlight of that smile. So tomorrow is a new day and maybe a new start.  One day there wont be a new day a new start.  IF I still am this way I will always feel the pain of what could have been I have one real regret in my life, every day now I seem to prove to the world why she was smart to get rid of me what will it take for me to understand, when I stop hurting people around me. I will start to heal my self and stop hurting……