And so it begins. . .

And so it begins. . .  That’s a great opening now what?  do we just sigh and let it hang like that what begins? and if it is beginning what’s ending so this can begin?!  If your reading this you know me I’m rude harsh and well not the most friendly.  Over the past 7 years I have kinda been walled up and not really ready to begin. .  I have lost 60 pounds (57) but wanted to see a round number there. .  Life has looked at me and said Ya complacency not a good look on you so Here you go more bull shit and when your done with that I have a cow barn in July that needs cleaning. . . I have great people around me that’s helping me these notes I leave are my thoughts and observations and a lot of them are personal to me but many see them selves in the words. .  A wonderful person is giving me my wings back and a friends is giving me a place to land. its time to Pull the pin and see what’s next. . There is no Eye opening revelation in this one, there is a sad broken man piecing his broken self back together. .  When its over (a relationship) or a life has ended there are ripples. Some bad, some good as humans we see the bad. . . But at some point you need to look at the good…. I’m close to that point.  I have never used a name of any one in this rant over the past 22 days and I never will because there not about one person there about looking at things and see where I can be better. I have been OD’ing on youtube videos to help inspire me in this change I use some of them in my rants. . The one that I think of the most is

“If you’re not making someone else’s life better, then you’re wasting your time. Your life will become better by making other lives better.”
Will Smith
So I hope this makes your life a little better Like all of you have to this broken man so (inhales) thank you all

” why do we fall, . . .?

Day 31: ” why do we fall, . . .? So we can learn to pick ourselves up. Thomas Wayne:

Seams simple enough.  We fall we get up we have done it from the time we where babies. we fall we get over and over.  That’s the physical fall but what a bout a fall from grace, a fall from favor, or a personal fall in you life. OH well then the word changes to fail. Still for letters but only one changes bit the meaning does So is the real question why do we fail.  ( inhales )   ” we cheated, I was tired , I had no money, I cant seam to get a break you never told me  we never tried…….. STOP, JUST FUCKING STOP…… We failed because. . . If we don’t fail we will never know what its like to win.
“Every man should lose a battle in his youth, so he does not lose a war when he is old.”
We lose battles all the time Mine for years was with weight. I was 350 lbs. I’m now 285 lbs. I’m winning the war in my later years. We fail ( fall ) to learn that its not the end. Yes some times in the world a Fail is the end. I was in the Marine Corps. and some fails cost lives. In the normal world fail/fall does not.  Its ok to fail/fall every one does it.
“How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?” Edison replied, I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.
In my last relationship I had 3 fall’s in it and on the forth I got it right. By that time how ever a beautiful loving woman had faded away. I cant blame her I still love her. So me fixing my fail/fall took 4 steps. Don’t be afraid to fail/fall. its showing you that you can get back up and that way was not the right way.

“One day, whether you are 14, 28 or 65,

Day 30 “One day, whether you are 14, 28 or 65,
you will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die.
However, the saddest, most awful truth you will ever come to find––
is they are not always with whom we spend our lives”
Beau Taplin, Hunting Season
We meet people every day, some you say hello to, some are just a glance. Some you will date, these will either be a dinner or longer. Some you should not have dated some you will have a long relation ship with. There are 2 people that have left there finger prints on my life for ever. They both tried to help me at a time that I did not want to be helped.  They pulled me to my feet, dressed me and fed me, gave me opportunity’s to better my self, I failed both times.  The 2nd  was the love of my life, we had dreams to change the world. . .  this will not come to pass. . .  We had a shadow over our time together, the Elephant in the room if you will.  Some thing happened early on and we never fixed it, talked about it or delt with the issue. “….foolish man who built his house on the sand.” Matthew 7:26  so we set about building out future on this shake ground.
When you meet the person that Changes your life, Cherish every second, minute, hour, day, week or even years.  For they may not always be around. and the thing is we never know when there going to vanish from our lives.
In my case we never pored the concrete,  talked about the elephant, turned on the light to make the shadow disappear. We let the shifting sands of time collapsed the house. The marks that are left will forever change me in bad and good ways. But I’m for ever changed for meeting them both.  When the time with that person is gone you cant get it back if you meet again its all new again for you both are different people. EMBRACE THAT DIFFERANCE.. Don’t try to make it what it was make it special all over again for the moment in time you both may share again…

Over draft protection

Day 27: Over draft protection: Ever known a person and think I just can deal with them to day. They over drawn on there friend ship account. We all have an emotional bank account. In a friendship, relationship or even the work place.  It works like this a smile 5 buck a hello how are things 20 bucks etc..  when you need it, its there and when your snarly this account pays out.  Well at some point the in and out need to match or you go in to the red… You cant constantly make withdrawals and not pay back. .   I have had my share on both sides of this.  My Best friend and I are so over drawn on each other that no mater what we do it just causes more over draft. . .  In the long run we hope,.. WELL I hope that the friend ship that is saved, one in which I hold more valuable than gold will prove worth the over draft and pain. In a relationship your are responsible for your actions and the wellbeing of you and your partner’s, this does not end.  If you and your Ex are better friends than lovers you are still responsible for your actions and in some ways them.. If they get sick or need a shoulder don’t be a Shit and say not my problem.  YOUR THERE FRIEND its your problem. If I end up a broken man in some cave some place I know there are 4 people that will look for me. In return there are 4 people I will do what ever it takes to help them. . I don’t date them or sleep with them. Its something deeper. There account is safe we have payments and withdrawals. .  how are your accounts looking with your friends?